A Sticky Situation

Too many of us have been taught that the penis is for pleasure while the pussy* is for pregnancy. Pleasure in the pussy* is taboo, especially in sex education in schools. But people with pussies* experience desire, arousal, and pleasure. And, just like our weenied brethren, we tend to seek it out for ourselves. 

The 2015 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that over 60% of cis women between the ages of 18-50 in the United States masturbate.1  But those numbers only reflect the number of people that actually admitted it. It’s likely that plenty didn’t because there’s still a very negative cultural stigma associated with pussy* masturbation. 

Eternalized in slang and touted as a rite of passage into manhood, masturbation has been normalized to the extreme for cis people with penises. For people with pussies*, there really aren’t many casual words for masturbation; it’s shrouded in secrecy instead of framed as a coming-of-age moment. Not surprisingly, research has shown that cis men are more likely to recognize the benefits of masturbation while cis women report struggling to accept it as positive.2

Where does the sense of shame come from? Why does something that creates comfort still exist outside of our comfort zone? How can self-service become an act of self-care?

Wet Panties VS. Wet Blankets: The Origins of Pussy* Masturbation Shame

People with pussies* have probably been masturbating since the dawn of time. A 28,000 year-old stone phallus was recently discovered in a German cave — conveniently, 20cm long and 3cm wide.3 And possibly the oldest condemnation of masturbation can be found in Genesis 1.28: “Be fruitful and multiply.”4 

In other words, this was pleasure with strings attached. Sure, have sex often, but only with the intention of making babies—something solo sex can’t deliver. Historically, masturbation has been depicted as a sinful act because it’s all pleasure and no procreation. The word comes from the Latin words manus, tubare, and stupare, which respectively translate to “hand,” “to unsettle,” and “to throw into disorder.”

In 1760, Swiss physician Samuel-Auguste Tissot inaccurately preached that masturbation was a dangerous threat to human welfare. Tissot’s work was widely published and inspired the next generation of anti-masturbation physicians. Within the next hundred years, doctors like Benjamin Rush (the “Father of Modern Psychiatry”) and Sylvester Graham (inventor of infamous crackers that were designed to curb sexual appetite) spread their anti-masturbation ideologies throughout the European and American medical communities.5 

Among their teachings: masturbation could cause weakness, impotence, dimness of sight, epilepsy, and even death. Their work inspired other doctors to hop on the anti-pleasure bandwagon, warning against outlandish side effects and recommending “cures” such as a flavorless vegetarian diet, cold baths, and castor nut oil.5

In the Victorian-era medical community, clitoridectomies were en vogue.5 This surgery removes the clitoris and was believed to be an antidote to masturbation, epilepsy, and insanity. This practice has been documented all over the globe and persists today.6 It’s an extremely violent way to take pleasure away from a person--a literal manifestation of the historical denial of pleasure for people with pussies*.

Attitudes towards sexuality and masturbation didn’t significantly shift until the late 1940s and 1950s when Alfred Kinsey, William H. Masters, and Virginia E. Johnson took steps towards normalizing pussy* pleasure. For starters, only 20% of Kinsey’s subjects reported inserting something in their vagina when they masturbated, debunking the long-held myth that a phallus was key to a pussy*-gasm. This opened the door to conversations about masturbation and pussy* independence.2

During the 1970s, sexologist Shere Hite conducted a large-scale study of cis womens’ sexuality. In her book, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality, she critiqued the idea of masturbation as simply “replacement sex” and encouraged people with pussies* to look at it as an opportunity to learn about their bodies and to experience sexual self-reliance: 

“It is not female sexuality that has a problem...but society that has a problem in its definition of sex and the subordinate role that definition gives women. Sharing our hidden sexuality by telling how we masturbate is a first step toward bringing our sexuality into the world and toward redefining sex and phsyical relations as we know them.”7

Despite progress, in the early 1990s U.S. President Bill Clinton fired Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders after she shared her professional opinion regarding masturbation, education, and the prevention of unsafe sex: “Yes, I think that it is something that is a part of human sexuality, and it’s a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”8

The Catholic Church has a long and complicated relationship with masturbation that, to this day, remains unresolved. Most Catholic education around the world discourages masturbation as a sin. One Catholic text, Catechism 2352 preaches that sexual feelings are exclusively meant to be shared between a married man and woman, solely for procreation and mutual pleasure that benefits their union. Solo sex for the sake of pleasure doesn’t make the cut. Pope John Paul II pushed this agenda in his popular 1979-1984 series “Theology of the Body,” and the effect of his lectures still lingers today.9

Feel Yourself to Heal Yourself: Self Service as Self Care

This excerpt from the study “Notes from the Back Room: Gender, Power, and (In)visibility in Women’s Experiences of Masturbation” says it all: “For many women, masturbation allowed them to express positive feelings toward their bodies, and it served as a nurturing and affirming mode of self-acceptance. Whether feeling joy or pleasure, having fun, or relieving stress, masturbation enhanced many women’s lives in positive ways.”2 Another study suggested that the mood boost from masturbation could be related to the idea that its pleasure without the risks and obligations of partnered sex.10

Just like your favorite face mask, bathtime ritual, or neighborhood sunset stroll, masturbation is a great self-care tool to experiment with and include in your routine. 

There is no right or wrong way to masturbate. In one study that asked cisgender women how they masturbate, many reported that they do not stick anything in their vaginas and instead rely solely on clitoral stimulation. But many also believed that most others self-penetrate during masturbation and that they were unique or abnormal for relying primarily on clitoral stimulation during masturbation.2  

As a self-care practice, masturbation frees a person from any kind of labor they may experience with a partner. The pressure to perform, make certain noises, validate someone else, or orgasm in a certain way is removed, creating a safe space to experience pleasure.2 

Masturbation can help you discover how you like to be touched, ultimately leading to more satisfying sexual experiences. When life feels out of control, it is a healthy way to put yourself in a power position.

Despite the historical stigma, public dialogue about masturbation has gotten louder. Like reading, sleeping, and eating dessert, masturbation now has the Internet’s stamp of approval and now come packaged in a rosy––millennial pink––self-care filter. The self-care movement has come with a wave of pro-masturbation articles touting alleged health benefits of masturbation from reduced abdominal bloating, to prevention of UTIs, to increased self-esteem.

These kinds of articles promote masturbation, which fights against the taboo. That’s good. But they also contain all sorts of information that’s not always cited, not always proven, and sometimes just totally unfounded. Why are we so hell-bent on proving that masturbation has health benefits? It shouldn’t need health benefits to be socially acceptable. Pleasure is a right. The right to engage, or not engage, in masturbation belongs solely to you.

Author’s Dedication: To Dr. Joycelyn Elders

This article was sponsored by: a donation made in the name of Recep Tayyip Erdogan.